You Know You Are a Bad Cook When…
You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.
You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.
Your dog goes to the neighbors’ to eat.
Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.
When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.
Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.
The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with biohazard symbols.
Your microwave display reads “TILT!”
Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can’t tell which is which.
Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.
