I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear when he’s on the toilet.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table.
I will scootch my bottom along the grass to rid myself of hangers-on.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
I will not eat the cats’ food, before or after they eat it. “Kitty box crunchies” are not food.
I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not wake Mommy by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
I will not chew my human’s toothbrush and not tell them.
I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it’s raining outside.
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