Hi. My name is Roscoe. I’m a pig. No, no, don’t get upset. I don’t mean I am just messy. No, I am actually a pig. I know it’s a little weird talking to a pig but hey, get used to it, lots of weird things happen around here. You probably heard someone tried to tell the story of me and my brothers. I think they called that story The Three Little Pigs or some such nonsense. Well here is what really happened.
See me and my brothers, Gidney and Cloyd, well, just like you know, we all decided we wanted separate houses. Not that living together was that bad but Gidney snores so you know. So we made a game of it and all went to the market and got the building materials. Now the truth is we all used basically the same stuff to build our homes so all that stuff about straw houses and such, well, sometimes people get a little frisky with the truth if you get my meaning. No, for better or for worse, Gidney and Cloyd and I pretty much knew what went into a new house. But the putting together part, now that’s what stumped us.
Gidney loves to hang out at the at night clubs. He is a good mostly but he likes parties and all that goes with it way too much. That is where he met Fat Wally but we will get back to him. So naturally, since all of Gidney’s friends were people at the night clubs, they all promised him and swore on whatever they could find they would be there on building day. So he got his materials and tools and aprons and big tubs of lemonade and he was already that Monday morning to get that house put up before the winter came.
Well, it turned out that winter was not really the problem. See Fat Wally was one of the guys Gidney met at the club and, well to be honest, Fat Wally was a wolf. Yes Wally Wolf, that’s right. And they didn’t call him FAT Wally for nothing. He got fat on lots of silly pigs that didn’t know how to pick their friends. Wolves, as most of you know, eat pigs pretty often and Wally thought this was a good chance to pick up a piggy stew if he got the drop on Gidney.
Well building day came and about an hour late, Gidney’s friends from the club were there but they only knew how to party. Oh, they talked like they knew what they were going but big talkers are not often good workers. They slung together the most shoddy, shaky house you ever did see. Gidney was so disappointed in what he had when it was all over with and all through the day, he could see Fat Wally watching from the woods. That night Cloyd and I came over to play Bible Racko with Gidney and we could barely deal the cards when that house started to go.
“Hey Piggies.” Fat Wally yelled from the woods. “Pretty bad job on the house. No problem. I will help you clean it up when it falls and then I will eat you.” He yelled. Big talker.
“NO CHANCE FATSO!” Gidney yelled back. I know, he should have said “not by the hair of my chinny chin chin” but the house was falling. He had to make it fast. We made it out the window and down the pathway before it fell. It crashed and we could hear Fat Wally looking for our bodies in the rubble.
Cloyd wasn’t quite the partier but he went to a church that didn’t believe in Jesus and taught something about a spaceship landing and taking them all to a planet that was kind of like heaven or something like that. They were pretty spooky but Cloyd hung out with them and just like the party people, they were sure they could help Cloyd with his house. But they showed up and started lighting candles and trying to talk to dead people and do spells that went nowhere and by morning the only thing up was one room because Cloyd and Gidney did that. Gidney had time on his hands what with no house left after all.
Fat Wally liked the look of this real well. Sure, the spaceship people saw him but they were sure the aliens were going to come down, kill the wolf and finish the construction so they didn’t have to worry. They sure were confident in the spaceship people. Well the time came and they started chanting in a circle waiting for the spaceship to land. Well when they opened their eyes, were there aliens in the circle? You guessed it, Fat Wally was in the circle and he chased them for what seemed like hours. They ran every which way knocking down that badly done shack and sending everyone screaming into the woods. Amazingly or maybe Fat Wally is just a really terrible hunter, he didn’t catch anyone so he was pretty hungry by then.
Gidney and Cloyd both were pretty scared when they met me at the Methodist Church for Wednesday night worship. Afterward we made plans for my house and they would live with me which isn’t that great because after all, Gidney snores but we already talked about that. I had about twenty of my good Christian brothers lined up to help and they were there right on time. We got that house up and it was rock solid. Fat Wally watched nervously from the woods but he knew this was his last chance with us.
He waited until we had finished and were having snacks in the living room of my wonderful new home.
“Hey piggies, how about a snack for Fat Wally? One of your fat friends would be a nice treat.”
“NO CHANCE FATSO.” Gidney yelled out.
“Gidney, shush” I said. “No need for that. We have God’s blessing on this house. The evil one cannot harm us here.” So Gidney, Cloyd and me and my church brothers and sisters began reading the bible and having so much fun discussing the word of God, everyone almost forgot about Fat Wally.
But I heard him coming. Step Step Step. He was trying to sneak in for an attack. He was hoping for panic like he got from the spaceship people. He didn’t get it. We just joined our hands and started singing.
“Jesus loves me this I know…” we sang getting louder and louder until all of a sudden.
“OW OW OW.” The fat old wolf started howling. “I can’t stand it. I just can attack you when you are praising God like that!” Fat Wally went howling into the woods holding his big ears, crying and bumping into trees. And I expect as little as he got to eat that day, he probably is now known as Skinny Wally.
Well so you know, Gidney gave up night clubs and Cloyd quit the spaceship people church and we all worship Jesus now. We got their houses up and learned a really important lesson. We learned that your Christian brothers and sisters are who you would depend on and spend time with and we learned that the evil one cannot hurt us when we are in unity in the faith and are serving and worshiping Christ together. So when you are having fun with your friends in Sunday School, keep your eyes open for Fat Wally. If you see him, remember don’t yell NO CHANCE FATSO at him. Just worship Jesus and he can never hurt you.
